The biggest treat of the day was attending the graduation ceremony for the local Christian high school that Laura was integral in starting. This is the fourth year of existence for Grace Prep so the inaugural 9th grade class graduated. Laura was asked to give the commencement address because of her impact on so many of these kids lives. She wouldn’t tell me leading up to Sunday what the address was about, only that she was scared it was to counter cultural and although she was sure this was what she was to speak on… she didn’t want to.

She ended up speaking about preparing for marriage - starting now. I’m still waiting to get audio from the ceremony so that others can be blessed by it, but she did nothing short of pitching a no hitter with speech. It was so anointed (and counter-cultrual!) that I can’t understand why every commencement speech isn’t on this topic - at least at Christian schools.

It was a great way to be reminded that the hard work we’ve gone through, continue to go through, and will always go through is good. It’s produced in us a marriage that endures and LOVES greatly - yet always leaves me plenty of opportunities to learn how to love even better. That’s my commandment… to love my wife. I couldn’t be happier for the challenge.

God’s goodness is overwhelming, His steadfast love enduring, and His faithfulness complete.

With that in mind I approached the elders recently and asked if they would let me use some/all of the men’s ministry budget to help subsidize accountability software for anyone in the church that wanted to use it.  They were all for it and so I presented that to the church by sharing my story.  I pray that as men (and women) choose to become accountable for this one area, it will free them up to step into the calling God has placed on their lives in other areas.  But, for this generation, I believe that this is one of only a few major battles for our future and our growth in Christ as a whole.

Please let me know what you think.  It’s tough to take off the mask sometimes, but if Christ is glorified - then it’s all worth it.

Listen to the talk

- A wonderful smile from 5 week old Lia
- “I really love you dad. I can’t wait to play with you…” from Vivienne
- A hug (and a kiss and a hug…) from Laura that just made me feel like the man I desire to be in her life (and the lives of our girls)

We have some great easter family pictures from yesterday - but they must be on the camera still. So, this is the next best one I could find of my three girls…

But, while I don’t seem to get the time for those things, one thing I can do is point you to a great story of faith and love. My mother-in-law spent almost two weeks with us leading up to and after Lia’s birth. I can’t remember exactly how she knows about this couple and their story, but every day she was here she’d check in on this blog to see the progress of what was happening. The blog I’m about to point you to is kept by a husband who’s wife has Cystic Fibrosis and their amazing journey in just four short years of marriage. She is now awaiting a double-lung transplant and delivered their daughter at the beginning of January at barely 25 weeks old… 15+ weeks early!! Their story and his passion for sharing it is inspiring to say the least.

This post is fairly recent and it’s two videos he made to be shared at a banquet for what I assume is a local Christian Pregnancy Center. They had asked him to come speak but he declined to go onsite so that he could be with his wife and daughter. In leu of his appearance he recorded this videos.

Men, I’m pretty sure this is one of the best pictures of faith I’ve seen.

http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/2008/02/before-tricia-was-activated-this-week-i.html

From start to finish, Laura’s labor was 12 hours and although there were a few brief “take a sigh” moments, it was tremendously different from Vivienne’s more spirited (and long) labor process. When it came time to actually push, Lia was delivered in about 10 minutes. CRAZY!!

As far as not knowing that we were having “Lia” until she was born - it did feel very traditional. However, to be honest, I’m not sure I’d do it again. I don’t regret it one bit (partially because it confirmed a word I believe the Lord spoke to me a few years ago), both Laura and I really appreciated the ability to form a relationship with Vivienne for weeks before she was born.

In all though - it doesn’t really matter. We have a tremendous gift from God that just blows our minds away. YAY!

Some initial pics at: http://gallery.mac.com/rlbooz

This morning, as we continue to wait and hope for this little baby to come (due date is tomorrow and Laura is MORE than ready), I have been living without much of a schedule. This means that I’ve worked late, gotten up late and arrived at work late (but then again, I was working late… so…). It also means that I’ve taken little to no time for reading the Word or simply praying.

This morning, actually getting up at a decent time (although still later than I should) - I got ready for work and decided to grab the guitar - yet another thing I swear I’ll do a few times a week but never get to. Honestly, I don’t know why I don’t grab the guitar more. If the house is quiet and I can just strum through a few basic chords - the Holy Spirit always moves in me. It usually takes a long time for me to get past the “if I just do this chord I’ll sound really good and then maybe I’ll get discovered and make a CD” thoughts. Once I’m past those, then I have to lay down the “let me find the perfect words to express how much God means to me - which of course I can then make into a song that I’ll sing at church and everyone will love me…”. Sometimes this happens more quickly - sometimes I’m just a dope and it takes a while. I’m a fleshy human I guess.

But, what I love is when I can get past those things and just find a melody that calms me down and actually begins to open my heart. This is the part where I should interject that with all of my “frustration” lately (from a Christian perspective that is) that one of the notes I’ve written down a few times in recent months is “worship seems so effeminate to me lately. I don’t feel much like ‘this is the air I breath… and I’m desperate for you’ during corporate worship with female voices leading.” I’m not saying that’s a good attitude at all, just that when I say “it begins to open my heart” - I know that there is actual work going on in my spirit that’s beyond the temporal. I love it when the Holy Spirit actually just moves past my junk.

Back to this morning. As I was playing through some chords - an old song came to mind that was perfect for this Valentine’s day. It actually moved my heart to a small time of worship. I was reminded that in all of this, the good, the bad, the frustrating - even when we’re (sometimes impatiently) waiting for our new child - God’s love is better than all things.

Your love is better than all things
Your love is better than all things
And I don’t have the strength of words
To tell You truly how I feel

Your love is better than life
Your love is better than life
And I don’t have the strength of words
To tell You truly how I feel

My God, You are the only one
For me, the only one for me
My God, Your love is better than all other loves
And now You’re drawing me
And I just want to be closer to You

Want to get closer
Got to get closer to You …

Today, worship and this music doesn’t seem so effeminate - it seems very real and very personal. That’s a good way to start Valentine’s day.

And that, to an extent, is what I’m working out. In general I’m seeing that the churches I’ve grown up in since becoming a Christian at age 21 do not focus nearly as much on the centrality of family in our faith. I’m not sure why, and I’m not really upset about it, but the more we learn the more I wish others were hearing it too. As our family grows and Christ continues to give us more and more of a passion for his full family design - I’m glad to have some other perspectives. I love having straight talk that’s not covered in anecdotes. I like being brought to Scripture and someone saying, “this is what is says. Let me show you how I came to that belief by teaching you the meaning. It’s OK if you disagree, but you better be able to back it up with Scripture.” Come on, don’t you love to be challenged by someone with that kind of confidence in the scripture?

Anyway there are two teachings the Voddie Bachman gives that are wonderful. The one linked below was the first one Laura and I heard by him, on a CD we got from Vision Forums - a homeschooling/family centered ministry we have grown to love. The message is VERY counter church culture. My entry into the church, by God’s grace, was to help with youth ministry while in college. I’ve seen youth ministry do amazing things in young adult lives. But as I grow up and examine what it appears God intended for the flow of faith from one generation to the next - this seems to make a lot more sense to me.

So, as a shout out to all of the men I’ve talked with that say they reading and homework, when it comes to learning Scripture, isn’t for them (yes, I’m a card carrying member of that club as well - but I’m slowly being transformed) - heres something you can listen to instead. Please let me know what you think.

The Centrality of the Home - by Voddie Bachman

After a few hours of mom telling me to “lay down on the couch and it will go away, I’m sure nothings in your eye anymore…”, I finally convinced her that something was indeed still in there. So, off to the hospital on a Sunday evening. After a long wait (and yes, my eye hurt very badly with every movement) a doctor pulled out three splinters - once of which was at least a quarter inch long. Good news is that the eye is the fastest healing organ in the body (according to the doctor) and I was on my way looking like a pirate with a patch on my eye.

Well, on the way home mom needed to stop by Hills, a pre-WalMart type store that was the “go to” place in town. And there it was, the Nintendo. Somehow in my little seventh grade mind I knew that I had an advantage here. I had just gotten splinters take out of my eye, had a patch on it and was looking pretty sad. So I struck - the little selfish, fleshy Ryan emerged. My mother, the poster-mom for being frugal with money (which I am now VERY thankful for!) resisted. And so the fit started to well up. In the middle of the store I remember my mother almost not having a choice. Of course she did, but I remember making it pretty hard. I think that I even pulled out the “but I just got splinters out of my eye” line.

I walked out of Hills with my Nintendo.

And it went on from there. Within the next few months, because I was the smallest kid in class and the “city slicker” that had just moved to the valley, I was “beat up” more and more - usually starting in home room when the teacher wasn’t there yet. Twisted arms, pulled backs, fat lips. I could feel the frustration growing. It also happened that at about the same time I began to be molested by a family friend for the better part of two years. Talk about being frustrated and feeling helpless. I think Satan knew exactly what he was doing.

Here’s the thing though, that’s all nearly 20 years ago now. There have been many ways I’ve dealt with all of those things. Most of the time I can honestly say that I don’t believe they effect me day to day. But over the last few days, I’m once again realizing that I still haven’t gotten over it. In most everything I do, in most of my reactions, I’m still the little kid that needs to prove himself to be better then everyone, more of a man than I assume people see me - to put up with my annoyances and my complaints… as if they were the most important things for everyone to deal with. In a word (or three) - me, me, me.

Man, it really sucks when you come face to face with it again (and again, and again…)

So, through my latest round of me, me, me - Laura and I have been talking about it. Well, I’ve been frustrated and angry about it, Laura has been talking. She puts up with a lot. But the end result is that God has given her great wisdom to speak hard truth. The biggest one of all being…

drum roll….

I do not have a teachable spirit. (THUD)
I am generally not of a humble nature (double THUD)

And she’s right. When it comes to most of the things around me, no matter how much I really do want to become a stronger man of faith, or the Word, of truth - I just assume I know better than everyone else. Well, that’s not completely true. Just most of the people that are in direct authority over me. There’s always a better speaker out there with the ideas that I really want to emulate. But that just gets me frustrated that they’re somewhere else other than here. Which leaves me with CDs and podcasts, one sermon at a time. But man, I want to interact with these people on a consistent basis. Surely if I could be under someone like “them” - my life would really start to take off. I?d lead my family with all encompassing godly authority that would be the awe of everyone I come in contact with. My words would be insightful and truthful - I’d expound on the Word of God with authority unseen by most people.

Wait a minute!! Just wait a minute!! That might not be true!! (thud again…). Turns out that I’m am where God has put me for a reason. I’m in the workplace and church and town that God has ordained for this time. I have amazing, Godly friends that God has ordained for this time. I have the family, and hopes for my family, that God has ordained for this time. And believe it or frickn’ not, I have the CDs and podcasts that God has ordained for this time. What I seem to be lacking is the spirit of Christ that God has ordained for my lifetime. Yes, I know without a doubt that I have salvation through the author of Life and the death of His Son on the cross for my sins. But in eleven years of being a Christian I have continually neglected to submit myself to the work Christ would have me do to become the man he greatly desires I be. I know that because if I was doing it, I wouldn’t care if I was the best, greatest, smartest or even coolest guy in the room (or church).

The end of all this (kind of funny to type something and realize that very few people will ever read this…) is that it’s time to anti up - to humility. I’m 100% sure that without an overwhelming change of heart resulting in a humble spirit - I will not be a teachable man. Which means I will never reach the potential or dreams that Christ has for my life, the life of my family or the life of those around me. It has nothing to do with me being pivotal in any of those realms necessarily (God can overcome my lack of contribution in spite of me) - but it would be much better if I were in a place to play my part.

If I really “believe”, there are a few things that will happen:

1. I will walk what I talk and realize that nothing (work, exercise, computers, home projects… even family) is as important as my maturity in Christ. All of those things (starting with my family) will be enriched to untold degrees when my maturity in Christ is in continual forward motion.
2. I must realize that there are plenty of men that Christ has placed in my life that have much to teach me. Some the deep digging apart of Scripture, some the ways I need to grow as a man, husband and father, and some how to just have fun.
3. Wherever I feel the “teaching” is not complete, I must seek out every opportunity to get more. As Laura cleverly suggested last night, I might simply start by emailing a few of the men I have listened to (CDs and podcasts) and try and start a dialog with them.
4. I will seek counsel and accountability from close friends that will lovingly kick me in the butt when I am not approaching my life with a humble and teachable spirit.
5. God will use me to lead other men - not for my own reward - but for the purpose of passing on the Truth He desires for each of us to lead our families and to live in contrast to the world around us.

So, let’s see where this goes from here. While I think about it and hopefully keep my thoughts updated, check out one of the men I’ve been listening to lately. (definitely look at the YouTube stuff)

http://www.voddiebaucham.org

http://www.youtube.com/user/FamilyDrivenFaith

John 9: The man born blind has his sight restored by Jesus - a story most Christians know well. In fact, most of the world has some of this scripture memorized (thanks to that oldie-but-goodie “Amazing Grace”) - “I was blind and now I see”.  Anyway, what strikes me this morning is that this “blind begger” was such a great evangelist!  The guy is blind from birth, probably in his 20’s (his parents say “he’s of age…” and he’s been a begger already) he gets his sight. I’ve heard stories of blind people having even partial sight restored through surgery and it’s tremendously overwhelming. Can you imagine being completely deluged with light and sight (you’ve never seen any of this before - and it’s not even gradual - it’s all at once). BUT he can’t even take the time to deal with it - he’s immediately questioned and told he’s a sinner and a lier, etc. Even his parents can’t seem to commit. Even still he seems to quite simply say, “this is crazy, I was blind but now I see. From where I’m standing it’s pretty clear that this man, Jesus, is the real deal! Man, what a bunch of schmucks you are!” (OK, look at 9:30 to get the real deal - this is my paraphrase)

So, what about me?  What in my life points to this kind of faith?  (that’s what it is, right?)  If I was questioned as to the power of Jesus and his real identity - what in my life would point to His real work.  Even Jesus, in John 10 (coming next) says that “even if you won’t believe in me because of the Scripture, at least believe on account of the miracles I perform” (paraphrased).  So, what would that be and why don’t I talk about it more?  This morning I can point to a number of miracles in my life that, if you know my life (as these people knew this blind begger) - you’d know it was outside of my doing.  1. My restored marriage.  2. My marriage to begin with (seriously, I married way beyond my league!) 3. our children - we were told that getting pregnant was virtually impossible without drugs - our second child is due in February!

I know there are more - but these are the ones that immediately jump to the front.  In these cases, I think I can pretty clearly share how it “had” to be Christ because it wasn’t possible otherwise.   It would be cool if I could say, “seriously, how can you not see this.  I was near divorce and now I have no doubt this is going to last forever in this life.  You’re just silly if you don’t get that!”  Or, “what about, ‘you will not be able to conceive without medicine’ don’t you get!  We have two kids for crying out loud!”  I know I shouldn’t want to be so confrontational, but I just wish I had a better reaction when I hear people say that Jesus just isn’t real or they’re not religious or whatever.  Who knows..

John 10: ran out of time to type this morning.  Hopefully this evening.