This morning, as we continue to wait and hope for this little baby to come (due date is tomorrow and Laura is MORE than ready), I have been living without much of a schedule. This means that I’ve worked late, gotten up late and arrived at work late (but then again, I was working late… so…). It also means that I’ve taken little to no time for reading the Word or simply praying.

This morning, actually getting up at a decent time (although still later than I should) – I got ready for work and decided to grab the guitar – yet another thing I swear I’ll do a few times a week but never get to. Honestly, I don’t know why I don’t grab the guitar more. If the house is quiet and I can just strum through a few basic chords – the Holy Spirit always moves in me. It usually takes a long time for me to get past the “if I just do this chord I’ll sound really good and then maybe I’ll get discovered and make a CD” thoughts. Once I’m past those, then I have to lay down the “let me find the perfect words to express how much God means to me – which of course I can then make into a song that I’ll sing at church and everyone will love me…”. Sometimes this happens more quickly – sometimes I’m just a dope and it takes a while. I’m a fleshy human I guess.

But, what I love is when I can get past those things and just find a melody that calms me down and actually begins to open my heart. This is the part where I should interject that with all of my “frustration” lately (from a Christian perspective that is) that one of the notes I’ve written down a few times in recent months is “worship seems so effeminate to me lately. I don’t feel much like ‘this is the air I breath… and I’m desperate for you’ during corporate worship with female voices leading.” I’m not saying that’s a good attitude at all, just that when I say “it begins to open my heart” – I know that there is actual work going on in my spirit that’s beyond the temporal. I love it when the Holy Spirit actually just moves past my junk.

Back to this morning. As I was playing through some chords – an old song came to mind that was perfect for this Valentine’s day. It actually moved my heart to a small time of worship. I was reminded that in all of this, the good, the bad, the frustrating – even when we’re (sometimes impatiently) waiting for our new child – God’s love is better than all things.

Your love is better than all things
Your love is better than all things
And I don’t have the strength of words
To tell You truly how I feel

Your love is better than life
Your love is better than life
And I don’t have the strength of words
To tell You truly how I feel

My God, You are the only one
For me, the only one for me
My God, Your love is better than all other loves
And now You’re drawing me
And I just want to be closer to You

Want to get closer
Got to get closer to You …

Today, worship and this music doesn’t seem so effeminate – it seems very real and very personal. That’s a good way to start Valentine’s day.

But, mostly, I’m doing it because my wife, Laura, finally decided to do a blog… and it’s inspiring! In the span of a week, she’s changed my view of what a blog could be. The only blogs I typically use are technically minded when I’m searching for a solution to problems at work. But Laura’s stirs my heart.

I’ve been telling her for at least a year now that I thought she’d enjoy blogging because of her love for thinking life through on paper in a journal. Her heart is constantly working through things in a journal until they eventually come out in a conversation and it becomes – “I wish I could share this…”. And now she is. And I’m excited about it. In a way, I get to see a side of her that I normally don’t – unless I crack open a journal of hers when she’s not looking. .

So, based on that, I’ve decided to try it. From time to time I feel like God is stirring my heart to share something as well – although I rarely end up knowing how to articulate it. But hopefully this becomes that place. Only time will tell.