September 2007 – Grounded

Poochy Pooch

As little V grows up (all of a ripe 2 years, 4 months), I have begun to notice that routine is a beautiful thing for a child and how much I’m going to hate losing it over time. I know it’s bound to happen, but I definitely don’t look forward to it. Here’s what I mean.

Laura and I have been pretty consistent on having a bedtime and making it a “routine”. Milk, potty, teeth, prayers… good night. Over the last few months as Vivienne has started to really dig patterns in life bedtime has become my favorite time with her. Laura graciously lets me take the duty whenever I can (which thankfully is most nights). There are many “on your marks, get set, go…” throughout the routine – but the end result is that I know I’m going to get some laughs each night. I know we’re going pray together. I know mommy is going to get a “… hug and a kiss and tell her I love her…”. I know that I’m going to get a hug and a kiss. And… I know that Vivienne is going to get two flying kisses – one on her head and one on her cheek – from daddy. This is all an amazing thing to look forward to.

But back at the “… tell mommy I love her part…” is where I got stuck tonight. I was laying in Vivienne’s bed waiting for her to come back from saying good night to Laura (I wait in her bed so that she can find me, jump on my back and tickle me) when I heard her usual line… “I…. um…. poochy pooch you…”. At some point we were successful in teach our daughter some very keen language skills. For instance, “poochy tink”, “poochy pooch” or “poochy poink” will get you a laugh every time. That means that for the last three months, Laura always gets many “…I… poochy pooch you” before she finally gets a “I love you mommy”. And that got me thinking – Vivienne is probably not going to be saying “I poochy pooch you mommy” when she’s 7, or 10, or 15. At some point that routine will be over and we’ll move onto the next one. I got to wondering in bed when that will be. When will Vivienne not want a flying kiss from her daddy on her head and cheek?

I don’t know – but I’m going to miss it terribly. Each night, no matter how long the routine takes or how many other things I think I could be doing with that 30 minutes (or longer) – I wouldn’t ever want to give that time back for the world. Hopefully we can use Jingle Bells (Vivienne’s name for her baby brother/sister in progress) and teach him/her to do all of this stuff before it gets old for Vivi. It won’t be the same but at least it will prolong the memories for a bit longer.

Hey Vivi… I poochy pooch you!

Mary Poppins

Yeah – you read that right. Mary Poppins – and in the “Faith/Scripture” category none-the-less. We’ll he’s the deal.

On the way to Lansdale (Laura’s parents house) on Friday night – Vivienne watched Mary Poppins in the back of the car with Laura. Because the computer’s speakers are very loud we had to pipe the sound through the car’s speakers – which means that I could only hear, but not see, the movie. Always an interesting way to experience a movie. You can imagine (as I had to the entire drive) what it’s like to try and recall what’s happening in a favorite children’s movie from years past. The jokes, singing, laughing people floating, chimney sweeps tap dancing, children running from the police and a grumpy old bank man (who I assume looked just like Mr. Potter from “It’s a wonderful life” – the only kind of grumpy old bank man there is). It was all very fun (for Vivienne especially), even if I had no idea what was really going on.

But, as the movie was wrapping up, I suddenly got it! I actually got what the movie was about. I haven’t seen the movie since I was a kid. The only mentions of it in the last many years is when someone randomly says “superkalafragalistic”. Most of us know the song and can recall a few funny scene’s from it that tickled our funny bone as a kid (who didn’t wish they could float whenever they laughed.) But in the end, it wasn’t about any of that. It actually had a point much bigger than entertaining us kids with fanciful images.

It was about restoration (of the Banks’ family – father/children) and redemption (Mr. Banks finds his joy again). Maybe not on a spiritual level – but it doesn’t matter. God still used it to teach me a profound point. (profound to me at least) My life, especially my faith, is usually like this. I see the entertainment value early on. I get excited about the interactive/visual stuff… the things on the surface. It’s usually the stuff that gratifies some immediate “need” of mine. And then I move on – pick one or two memories from the interaction in the back of my mind for a feel good “pick-me-up” when I need it. Eventually, however, the Holy Spirit pulls one or two of those out and asks me to dig deeper – past the feel good moments. He teaches me what those times were really about and how He has used and is using them for His purposes in my life (and usually those around me).

And that’s when it occurred to me that this was exactly what Paul was taking about when he spoke in 1 Corinthians 13:11-12. As I grow up into more of the man God is calling me to be – I know He’ll use more of these opportunities to see the world/my situations through “man” eyes – not simply through the eyes of a child. There is a time and place for everything (it’s definitely cool to be excited about some things like a little kid again – to take them for face “bring me joy” value) – but He’s calling me to more… I think He’s calling all men of His Kingdom to more. To see he is a God of love, redemption, restoration, healing – who wouldn’t want more of that??

13.1

Less than 12 hours ago I was finishing my first half-marathon… 13.1 miles – the Philly Distance Run. It’s been a dream for a number of years to do a long run – especially since I saw Laura run this same race four years ago (she made it look fun and that really got me interested) – but for the last several years my attempts to do this race have been thwarted by various injuries. This year, however, I was able to do it (and get my picture with Rocky finally – although it is disappointing that it’s not at the top of the art museum steps like in the movie). Not without injuries/soreness the last few weeks, but God once again proved faithful (has He ever not??) and allowed me to do it.

Overall, I’m happy with how I did. My goal was to come in under 8-minute miles, but I didn’t quite make it. For about the last 5 weeks I’ve had a nagging on-again, off-again pain in my right knee. Sometimes I could run 10-miles with no problem and then the next run of 4 miles would find me limping home after just 3. But I made it until about 9.5 miles before the pain showed up and really kicked in. I ended up stopping a few times to stretch my knee out – determined to finish this race. Had I not had to stop, I would have made my sub-8 goal. But for the last 12 hours I’ve had to remind myself that… um… I was able to finish it! So next year I’ll be more prepared and ready to try for it again.

A few quick things I realized while running – usually the best place for me to clear my mind enough to actually communicate with God for a little bit.

This was impossible to do without Him. At about mile 8 I realized that I was running about 10 sec./mile faster than I thought I would be at that point and I was still without pain in my knee – and in the same moment I clearly understood
that it was not possible with God. Even when the pain started I had no one to rely on except Him. As hundreds of runners went by as I stretched, I realized that He was the only one waiting for me. This was, for today at least, the best way I could have done “church”. Laura reminded me before the race to think about the beauty of running especially once we were out by the river – and it was true. There are things there I would never notice driving by in a car. Even in the center of city, God’s creation is alive and well (despite us).
I will always be a small fish in a very big sea. There were, supposedly, about 17,000 runners. Quite honestly, there were many people that ran by me, or that I was running with that I was kind of surprised by. They didn’t look like a runner or in tip-top shape. But like me (and in many cases better than me) they ran on just the same. For some reason, running is one of those things that the Holy Spirit has welled up in me as a desire to excel in – to the best of the ability He has given me. It’s very unlikely that I will ever win a race of any kind – but the more I run, the better I want to do. It is something that does push me to my limit and makes me want more. The only thing that’s ever been similar in my life was rock-climbing – but with running you don’t have to dangle on increasingly more exposed cliffs to excel. I’m excited to see where he takes me with this – at the very least I think I’m going to learn how to push a little harder to reach the next goal.
This is analogous of life. In the last few years I feel like I’ve become more teachable than ever before. I’m still stubborn and prideful MUCH more than I’d like to be – but the hard work of doing this race and the pay-off to complete it PALE in comparison to what I’m called to in my every day journey of faith. My marriage is immensely stronger now than it was two years ago (when it nearly fell apart) because He called me to something greater out of my weakness (ok, stubbornness and pride) and I finally decided I wanted to do the work, to crucify Ryan in the flesh for something greater – a man that learns to “…love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Eph 5:25-33). The same goes for my life as a father, friend, neighbor or employee. When I can see that there’s real work involved in stepping to a higher level, something worthy of Christ’s call, something that requires me (the fleshy, selfish, needy me) to be crucified – it’s a good thing. I want more of that, like I want to be pushed more in running. I think right now, that’s the tool He’s using to work stuff out in me. Let’s hope I keep learning to enjoy the work as well!

So those are my few epiphanies. Not much, but it’s what I learned in an 1:46 minutes. I’m excited for more – I’m definitely excited for how Christ will develop me as a man of God through the process.

Because I feel left out…

So, it’s official. I’m starting a blog. In general it’s because I feel left out – everyone’s doing it and has their own little place on the web to rant, talk, think deeply – or just ramble because they don’t have enough else to do late at night.

But, mostly, I’m doing it because my wife, Laura, finally decided to do a blog… and it’s inspiring! In the span of a week, she’s changed my view of what a blog could be. The only blogs I typically use are technically minded when I’m searching for a solution to problems at work. But Laura’s stirs my heart.

I’ve been telling her for at least a year now that I thought she’d enjoy blogging because of her love for thinking life through on paper in a journal. Her heart is constantly working through things in a journal until they eventually come out in a conversation and it becomes – “I wish I could share this…”. And now she is. And I’m excited about it. In a way, I get to see a side of her that I normally don’t – unless I crack open a journal of hers when she’s not looking. :-).

So, based on that, I’ve decided to try it. From time to time I feel like God is stirring my heart to share something as well – although I rarely end up knowing how to articulate it. But hopefully this becomes that place. Only time will tell.